About six months ago, after an all too familiar argument with my husband, I sat exhausted at my desk. As I reflected on the day, I suddenly realized that the relationship with my husband was the same as with all my relationships. I was feeling like I didn’t matter to anyone. So often I feel wrong by the judgment of those I care the most about. I always blame them for not valuing who I am. No one seems to live up to my expectations. I was angry and feeling sorry for myself. Why does this always happen to me?
I searched the internet to read about conflict in relationships and found theSOFIprocess. I began learning how and why I’ve spent my whole life feeling insignificant. I learned that my search for significance from family, friends, bosses, and co-workers often produced the feelings of being wrong, and insignificant. Even my accomplishments seemed empty. Insignificance was the source of my anger.
theSOFIprocess put this into perspective. In conflicts, I now have a different choice. I have the awareness to recognize my anger which signals me to address my significance. I’m doing better in my relationships and I realize it’s a life-long journey. Thanks for getting me started.
I came home from work a few weeks ago exhausted from the stress of trying to make everyone happy. Dealing with one complaint after another, day after day, was taking its toll on my health. I had another migraine and just wanted to go to bed. I had been working twelve hours days for weeks. My wife came into the bedroom, sat on the bed and began to cry. She told me how concerned she was about my stress level, and wondered how much longer I could survive holding all my stress inside. She knew that the smile I forced everyday was not how I really felt inside. I never complained, but she knew it was tearing me apart. She gave me a book about theSOFIprocess and I began my journey from anger to peace.
I learned how anger dominated my life.
You see, my father was an angry man who fought with anyone in his path. I saw how he pushed everyone away with his anger and died a lonely man. I remember telling myself I never wanted to live my life that way. I taught myself to never show my anger. Stuffing my anger was my way of dealing with conflict in relationships.
theSOFIprocess helped me to see that I was, in fact, angry and how it dominated my life. Instead of fighting like my dad, I stuffed my anger behind a smile and cheery disposition. I learned that as much as I wanted to create peace by acquiescing, I made myself insignificant and angry. This behavior was just as toxic to my relationships as my dad’s angry outbursts. As hard as it is for me, I’m trying to be honest about how I’m really feeling inside. I encourage everyone to embrace theSOFIprocess and live for significance.